Trauma is an unsparing thief. It can steal our sense of safety, joy, relationships, health, and so much more. What’s worse, it has no regard to age, socio-economic status, gender or any other statistical demographic. Everyone is fair game.
When it knocked at my door, it left with my happiness, self-confidence, mental health, and ability to mentally and emotionally show up for a reasonable full day of work.
In college, I encountered a few people who hated me without cause. They made it their mission to make me feel less-than every day. Those few months of bullying and betrayal sparked years of severe depression, anxiety, loneliness, and self-hatred. In those dark moments, I was desperate for relief…even if it were just for a few minutes. Consequently, I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms that still follow me today.
In those years, the only thing I could summon the energy for was the bare minimum, which at the time was getting my degree. So, I cut out everything else in my life, put my head down and went straight into survival mode.
During those years of just-trying-to-get-by, I inadvertently developed a mindset that couldn’t carry me where God was calling me. Even after graduating college, I’d lose weeks of time in a depressive downward spiral, having stacks of unfulfilled to-do lists pile up. I’d put myself in the background of every piece of content or marketing strategy for ABIDE. I dived head first into my unhealthy habits.
Thanks to an emotional one-on-one with my mom, I realized I had made my depression and anxiety my glass ceiling. I decided on what I could or could not do in accordance with what the stains of my trauma demanded.
It got me to thinking: what do we still carry with us from those moments of surviving trauma or hardship?
And how do we get back to a place of wholeness in our mind, body and soul?
“Then David asked the Lord, “Should I chase after this band of raiders? Will I catch them?” And the Lord told him, “Yes, go after them. You will surely recover everything that was taken from you!”
Surrender what you have left to God. He’s the difference between whether we wither or win. God will restore everything you’ve lost. On top of that, claim the promise God gave David as your own…“you will surely recover everything that was taken from you!”
This year, I’ve experienced the day-by-day restorative power of God. In order to start ABIDE, heal my mind, and take care of my body, I’ve had to place the little bit of joy, peace, work ethic, and mental stability I had left in God’s hands. Taking on a full-time job while building a media company from scratch, working out consistently, reading my Bible everyday and being the cover of ABIDE magazine is daunting. But, it is the power and grace of God in my life empowering me to do it all.
“But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
A prayer for restoration:
God, You welcome us as Your children just as we are even if that’s broken, bruised and battered. Remind us that You are greater than the internal battles that cripple us. In those times when we revert back to old habits, empower us through Your love and grace to return to You. May God restore everything you’ve lost. Amen.
