Pain projects us into the purpose of God as He continually pursues and guides us through our journey of “becoming.” This much can be said of Brenda Palmer, a well-known pastor, speaker and producer in LA. Her rise to fame and influence has caught the eye of many women struggling to find and define their purpose in the Kingdom. From podcast nominations to preaching the gospel across the county, her vulnerability and passion for uplifting others has rewarded her with a vast following. Many are recognizing their worth in Christ and feeling seen as God uses her talents for His glory.
Gabrielle Madison: Let’s talk about your journey and how you got where you are today. I know many women will find encouragement and inspiration from your story, so can you share your testimony with us?
Brenda Palmer: My parents were pastors and always served in a place of leadership, funny enough I did not want anything to do with ministry.
I was on staff at a church in Chicago. While in a serious relationship, I experienced deep heartbreak. The person I was dating at the time was having another relationship with a man in our church. That period of my life was the most devastating, but every time I look back I recognize that I would not be where I am today without that moment. Pain and heartbreak pointed me toward a deeper relationship with Christ.
“My deepest experience with pain pushed me into my purpose.”
That pain pushed me to move to LA where I worked in many areas of entertainment. I moved to be a producer and ended up producing on a women’s talk show on a Christian network. I worked for a while in a lot of places that relate to entertainment but then God led me into ministry and preaching. That particular time in my life birthed all the areas of ministry I currently operate in now. Why, because the purpose of God will always prevail.
My purpose is still unfolding every day! I always felt like I had to do either or; producing within entertainment or ministry. That’s why I believe you must know who you are apart from what you do. Oftentimes people let what they do define them and their purpose.
“The trials we go through often reveal our purpose.”
I am very passionate about people meeting Jesus for themselves and having their own personal relationship with Him. Without that level of pain and heartbreak I experienced, I wouldn’t have been able that viewpoint. I know that people are often hurt in a place that is meant to heal them so I strive to create safe spaces for others within the church community.
“My overall purpose is to know God and make Him known in every facet of my life.”
A question I ask myself is, “How can I create spaces where people encounter Jesus, in the most genuine way without politics and all of the things that happen on the inside of church?” I wouldn’t be this burdened and passionate about it if I did not experience pain. Now I carry a burden for anyone and everyone experiencing I went through. Through my preaching, podcast and outreach I hope to get that message across.
Gabrielle Madison: You talked a lot about ministry so my next question is what does authenticity in ministry mean to you personally, and what does it look like for you?
Brenda Palmer: Authenticity in ministry means being who you are and owning it. That’s something I get complimented about all the time because I’m not afraid to show up as who God made me.
“There is a reason God made you the way He did.”
When you are comfortable in your skin, God can do whatever He wants to do through you. There is a certain kind of person that I was created for, that I was created to impact. If I was creating this kind of persona that was more palatable to the people in the room, I’m not hitting the people who I’m actually supposed to reach.
Part of the reason I never wanted to do ministry was because I never saw anyone like me; all the women in ministry were married to pastors. You don’t see a lot of single women in ministry by themselves. Authenticity and representation is so important, we need to see it! You don’t have to marry a pastor to be called.
“Ministry doesn’t look one way, we are all created differently for a reason.”
Gabrielle Madison: What does finding your purpose in Christ mean to you personally?
Brenda Palmer: To me finding my purpose in Christ means original intent. I believe there is a reason God put us on this earth and our purpose aligns with finding that original intent.
When He had me in mind there was a way in which I was supposed to live, a way I’m supposed to operate, a way I’m supposed to show up. The more I become aware of who God is the more I discover who I am.
I want to surrender my life and die to myself so that in the end God can say I stewarded my life well. All the things He gave and attributed to me I stewarded well; family, influence, people, money etc.
Gabrielle Madison: I have a follow-up question that correlates with finding your purpose. I know you said it is evolving but, how did you find your purpose in Christ?
Brenda Palmer: Honestly not knowing my “purpose” in my earlier years of life made me feel depressed. It’s not our job to find our purpose, God will reveal that in time.
“Ministry is a place where I am most fulfilled yet most surrendered.”
I love production and creating yet I feel most fulfilled preaching the gospel. Something I never wanted to do was the thing I was created to do. The place I feel most insecure is the place where I am pleasing God. I had never preached so I was able to rely on God through faith.
“I get the opportunity with everything I do each day to ensure that somebody encounters Jesus.”
What irritates you is something that will drive that purpose deeper. When things irritate you, you are probably called to be the solution to that issue. Irritation is a calling and God will give you a strategy. I have a passion for suicide awareness and prevention. When I see someone commit suicide, I carry that burden. There is a purpose there connecting me to those people struggling. I often pray, “God, what can I do to help people in this situation?”
“You cannot discover purpose outside of God.”
We can ask our mentors for feedback on our purpose. They should be feeding us crumbs that lead to what God is already affirming in our lives.
Gabrielle Madison: What would you say to the women seeking counsel from mentors or anyone in leadership in regards to finding her purpose but not getting direction and clarity from within?
Brenda Palmer: Deep down you know what your purpose is. In continually seeking counsel from mentors you are probably acting out of fear. I believe people need to try stuff and not live in fear. I started in production and ended up in ministry only because I was able to take risks and follow God’s leadership through bold faith. You need to give yourself the grace to mess up and fail because life is a journey.
“God will honor the heart behind a person who is willing to try and fail because your heart is trying to please God.”
That “one thing” might circle back even though you did not end up where you wanted to go. You will use those skills and be developed in a certain way. Nothing is ever wasted in God.
Romans 8:28 states, “He works all things together for the good of those who believe and are called according to His purpose.” I believe God will use all things. The first step is always scary but if it is causing you to depend on God it is most likely attached to your calling. If you need to rely on your own strength it is not from God. He will stretch you outside of yourself, outside of the place of comfort and the current season you are in.
“It’s not a God thing if it moves you lateral. It‘s a safe space. A God thing will require you to rely on Him, costing you comfortability.”
Gabrielle Madison: Looking back through your journey of evolution and growth, what would you tell yourself going through the process of becoming?
Brenda Palmer: Advice I would give my past self is that it is okay to fail and give yourself grace to fail. I am a recovering perfectionist, and I don’t like to mess up and get things wrong because I’m too calculated, wanting to know everything. I lived in a place of delayed obedience, but I want to allow myself to fail more knowing that we fail forward.
Another thing I would tell myself is that I am enough. When God puts you in places sometimes you question it. Sometimes I struggle with the idea that I’ve ended up in places where I don’t belong because it was never my career path to end up in ministry.
A lot of more seemingly qualified people went the common route; ministry school, youth pastor etc. Whereas God just placed me in those areas. I would’ve taken more chances and risks if I believed that it was okay to mess up and I belonged wherever God put me.
“Sometimes I felt unworthy of what God walked me into, so I have to tell myself that if God walked me through that door I belong there. I just need to trust that He will be able to sustain me in each moment.”
Gabrielle Madison: How do you stay consistent with your calling while balancing the things of life; relationships, work and all the facets of day-to-day life?
Brenda Palmer: One thing I’m learning is delegation and recognizing that I have a team that supports me. I have to trust them enough to do the tasks at hand.
I’m also learning balance. All the friends I have are friends I made before my influence peaked. They have become a place of grounding because they don’t see me as “Brenda the pastor”; I am just “Brenda.” This creates a safe space for me. Having friends who understand my calling is important.
“I’ve been able to sustain friendships because my friends see me the way God does, so they understand the call on my life and sometimes hold me accountable as well.”
Surround yourself with good friends who also understand your purpose. It is dangerous to entertain jealous friends. That hinders your purpose. It does not allow a safe space where you can flourish and grow when your circle is not supporting you well.
There is a certain kind of way I have to live because of my calling. I can’t do what everyone else is doing and I can’t go everywhere that everyone is going and that’s been hard.
“We need to learn what it means to be set apart, and we need safe spaces where we can process and recognize that.”
Gabrielle Madison: How do you deal with comparison knowing that as Christians we do live a set-apart life?
Brenda Palmer: Dealing with comparison shows up for me as FOMO. I have to be mindful of what I am feeding on. You can not show up the way you are supposed to when you are feeding on the wrong things, especially with social media. If you watch something and it does something negative to your heart then you need to unfollow.
I would also say that the people who you are created and purposed for need to hear your voice and will choose you over a plethora of other voices. You were created to attract them. Nobody can do it like you can. That’s my advice and encouragement for people who do not feel called to do a particular thing that God is telling them to do because so many people are doing it.
“Comparison says they’re doing it so I can’t, but what they are doing has nothing to do with you.”
We are all niches of Jesus. If I never show up, what happens to those people I was created to impact?
Gabrielle Madison: Last question, how do you not attach your identity to your past failings or current successes?
Brenda Palmer: Such a good question! That is a process. That is a consistent conversation I’m having with God, asking Him to give me His perspective of me. I need to see myself the way He does. God doesn’t see me through my mistakes.
“My past is attributed to who I am today but I’m not defined by it, developed through it but not defined by it.”
Once we’ve repented our past doesn’t exist. Don’t allow the enemy to torment you with something that doesn’t exist. If God doesn’t remember it, why would you? We are not defined by our past.
As far as current successes go, people often find identity in what they do. I believe we need to recognize that whenever it’s hard to give up something God has asked us to us to it is because we are trying to figure out who we are outside of that thing.
God sees me without all this “stuff” and I need that perspective of myself because if any of that changes I will lose myself. Why? Because I let it root and become my identity. God is taking me on a journey where I have to live life open-handedly. At any moment He could take things away. If my identity was placed in all those things that God placed in my hand I would not be okay.
God changes the plans all the time. I believe God keeps me in a constant state of change because I have a tendency to get wrapped in “things” and think this is “it” when really He is “it.”
This is “my year of striving” I’m calling it. He is establishing things without me having to work for it.
