What’s the Best Parenting Style for Your Christian Child?

I think we can all agree on one thing: Parenting is hard. What types of parents do children want and need these days? Which type of parenting style will set my kids up for success? Which parenting style am I best fit for? What Does God say about how I parent? There are many factors to consider, many questions unanswered. 

As a Christian parent, it’s important to choose a parenting style that both impacts your child positively and follows the Scripture faithfully. This article will take you through each type of parenting style one by one, giving you the gist of it so that you can make appropriate choices for your child.

What does the Bible say about parenting?

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” — Proverbs 22:6

This is one out of 1,900+ Bible verses that preach about parenting. From the beginning, Christian parents should steer their children toward the right paths. Childhood is a crucial period that can determine the rest of one’s life!

Baumrind Types of Parenting Styles (1971) 

First, let’s revisit the traditional theory. In 1971, Diana Baumrind famously explained 4 types of parenting styles and their effects on the child as follows:

1. Authoritative

1. The parent and the child solve problems together
2. Communication between both parties
3. Clear rules and boundaries
4. Effects on the child: good mental health, high independence, high self-esteem, competent social skills, high academic performance

2. Authoritarian

1. Parent-driven
2. The parent asserts high control and ignores the child’s needs
3. Strict rules and punishment
4. Effects on the child: prone to depression, low independence, low self-esteem, incompetent social skills, poor academic performance

3. Permissive

1. Child-driven
2. The parent pampers the child and is very affectionate
3. Barely any rules or punishment
4. Effects on the child: poor emotional regulation, lack of self-control, egocentric tendencies, problems in social interactions

4. Neglectful

1. Uninvolved or absent parent
2. The parent barely has interactions with the child and provides no guidance
3. Effects on the child: prone to mental and behavioral issues (e.g. suicidal behavior, drug/alcohol abuse), high impulsivity, poor academic performance

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Modern Types of Parenting Styles

Psychology has developed a lot over these past decades, and theories about parenting have also evolved. Nowadays, in addition to Baumrind’s 4 types of parenting styles, there are…

• Snowplow parenting
• Helicopter parenting
• Intensive parenting
• Soft parenting
• Nacho parenting

If these sound overwhelming to you, don’t fret. I will take you through each parenting style slowly and thoroughly, so our ABIDE readers can decide what’s best for their Christian children.

Snowplow parenting

A snowplow parent predicts possible obstacles in the child’s life and helps remove as many of them as possible. This is done in hopes that the child won’t have to experience pain or failures.

• Pros: sometimes brings temporary happiness to the child (as they don’t have to experience failures)
• Cons: causes stunted skill development, low self-esteem, and underdeveloped coping skills

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” — Proverbs 13:24

The ‘rod’ in this case doesn’t always mean physical punishment. More generally, the Scripture is saying that sparing hardships for your child is not the right way of loving. I understand that no parent wants to see their child in pain. You love the child, so it’s normal you only want happiness and rainbows for them. However, pain can help your child learn and grow into a better person too. 

Helicopter parenting

A helicopter parent constantly hovers over their child to make sure everything in the child’s life goes smoothly. Excessive monitoring and overprotection are core qualities of helicopter parenting.

• Pros: sometimes fosters emotional development and academic success
• Cons: causes high sense of entitlement, mental health issues (e.g. depression and anxiety), low self-esteem, and low coping skills

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” — Philippians 4:6

It’s normal for parents to worry about their children, but don’t overdo it. You must trust that God has good plans for you and your child. Let the child experience the world on their own. 

Intensive parenting

This parenting style is very similar to helicopter parenting. However, in addition to solving the child’s problems, an intensive parent also enrolls their child in many structured activities to perfect the child’s cognitive, physical, and social skills.

• Pros: sometimes fosters the child’s skills and brings about tangible achievements
• Cons: causes mental health issues (e.g. depression and anxiety), lack of self-efficacy, low self-esteem, low coping skills, and alienation from peers

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” — Psalm 127:3

It’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole of expectations and end up putting pressure on your child, hoping they will turn out the way you want. Whenever you find yourself doing that, try to stop and remind yourself that all children are the Lord’s gifts, not any parents’ personal properties. Relax, and let the child live freely. Let them slowly gain experiences and be guided by God’s wisdom.

Soft parenting

This is the new trending parenting style. Soft parenting consists of 4 major elements: empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries. According to research, a soft parent can foster positive qualities in the child through gentle teaching and healthy boundaries.

• Pros: fosters emotional development, social skills, and parent-child bond, as well as lowers risks of mental health issues (e.g. anxiety, depression, anger issues)
• Cons: can be time-consuming and rather unstructured (the parent must use their own senses on how to “set healthy boundaries”)

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” — Colossians 3:21

While the Bible has many verses about the importance of discipline, it is also stated that discipline must come with kindness. A Christian parent should not raise their child through anger or harsh words but rather encourage the child gently.

Nacho parenting

This is a practice in blended families. How does nacho parenting work? Well, the biological parent will be the one disciplining the child and taking control. Meanwhile, the step-parent will step aside and get involved in non-disciplinary activities instead.

• Pros: reduces family tension and prioritizes bond between the child and biological parent
• Cons: requires constant availability from the biological parent and may create distance between the child and step-parent

“Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” — Matthew 12:25

The Bible states that a family must be unified in order to prosper. While nacho parenting does not lead to division per se, Christian blended families who want to use this method should be careful not to get carried away and unintentionally create distance between the step-parent and the child.

How is my extensive parenting style guide, ABIDE readers? At the end of the day, every family is different. It is up to you to choose what you believe is most suitable for your child. Sending best wishes to all Christian parents out there who are trying their best every single day!